Journey to the new me

Today marks the end of my marriage and the beginning of a new journey. I am not sad, I am hopeful for a new day, a new life. I look back over the past 15 years and I am thankful for all the lessons I have learned. I once told my life coach that I had married the wrong man. She replied to me, "no, Marcy, you didn't marry the wrong man. You married the perfect man for you." Brooke, was right, what I didn't realize then that I know now. I didn't make a mistake, I was learning from Scott everyday that I spent with him, a lesson was being learned. I may not have liked the lessons, but obviously the universe felt that I needed them, or they would not have occurred. I learned that I deserved, no change that to, "I deserve" to be treated with respect, no it is not okay for your husband to walk out of the room when you are speaking to him. Yes, you do matter, yes you are special, what you have to say is important. Yes, I am smart even though I don't get straight A's and sometimes, I struggle to learn new things, this does not mean that I am slow or stupid. I deserve to be happy, I deserve to end my struggle with finances, I deserve to be loved. I deserve to be me and not worry about what others think about me. I have the right to say no and not feel guilty about saying no. I deserve to smile, I deserve to laugh, I deserve to live a wonderful life. All of this and more I deserve. One other thing I have learned, Scott did some of these things to me and said, a few but I am the one that many times made the story about all the things above. I made his actions mean all the things I deserve above, not him, me. This is huge for me to realize because, I am the only one that can make me happy. I no longer rely on Scott or anyone else for that matter to make me happy. Happy, love, laughter, all the above is up to me. I love this, I absolutely love this fact, because it means I am free. I don't have to rely on anyone else but me.
To my ex-husband, Scott, I thank you for the beautiful journey we took together. For the two beautiful daughters we created, I could never say thank you enough. You deserve the best, and the best is my wish for you. Many happy and healthy years, this is my wish for you. Love to you.
As I close tonight, I am so grateful for all the people in my life. I am grateful for the challenges I am facing finding a job, there is a lesson in here somewhere and I promise to meet it with optimism.
Thank you, universe for this journey, I am forever grateful.

Prepared or Not either way is okay!

Yesterday, I drove 2 hours to attend a job interview for a nursing position. I haven't worked as a nurse in over 3 years and haven't interviewed for 7 years. I find myself taking a new journey, the journey to become a working woman once again. I felt ready for my interview, I found an article, "100 potential interview questions". I answered the majority of the questions and learned so much about myself in the process. Not one of the questions I answered was asked of me during my interview. No typical, "what are your strengths, what are your weaknesses, tell me about yourself", none of that. There were 3 interviewers asking a total of 10 questions between them. Every question was a scenario, what would you do, how would you prioritize, etc. I didn't feel ready, I haven't been in a clinical scenario in almost 8 years. I found myself, second guessing my interview skills, my nursing skills, my decision to interview for a PHN (Public Health Nurse) position. I felt a little bit better when the interviewers told me that their nurses do not perform hands on nursing care. Well then, why all of the scenario questions, why not more character trait- type of questions? Please help an old nurse out and make her feel more comfortable is what I wanted to say. I left the interview with the feeling of, "maybe or maybe not", not an absolutely nailed it kind of feeling.
On my 2 hour drive home, I realized something I already knew. Preparing for this job interview the way that I did, answering 90 something interview questions. Well, that prepared me for me. I realized how much I have changed since my last nursing job 3 years ago.
Here are just a few of the answers that I found within myself.

1. I don't believe in failures...their is no such thing. Anything that happens in our lives happens to teach us a lesson but only if we allow it too.
2. An ideal job: My ideal job yesterday was to sit in an interview with those 3 lovely woman. My ideal job today is to write this blog. My next ideal job will be whatever job I am working in...I will learn something and that is ideal for me.
3. What do you ultimately want to become? Me, I wouldn't want to be anything else. I am a mother, a daughter, soon to be ex-wife, a nurse but most important I am ME and I love me.
4. If you could be any one place in the world right now, where would you be? I would be right here, right now...there is no other place to be. Maybe next month I will be in Hawaii but next month isn't here in this moment.. So, right now I am here writing this blog and loving every minute of it. Oh and listening to the roofers tear off our roof. :o)

These are only 4 of the questions that allowed me to look within myself and feel so blessed that I have changed so much in the past 2-3 years. I love who I am today in this moment.
I embrace this journey to working woman, what ever will be, will be and I can handle that. I am strong enough to handle anything, you are too.

Enjoy you day, enjoy this moment!

Thankful!

I have so many things to be thankful for today.

1. My bestest buddy Amos does not appear to have Diabetes or any other ailment that is causing him to lose weight. Guess, it is just old age and me not feeding him enough. I get to make up for it now and oh he will be so happy about that.

2. I no longer have any mutual debt with my soon to be ex-husband. I am so very thankful to have been able to sell our home, leaving us only with cash to split and no mortgage debt. (I realized today that our sell of our home in Jan. was a really good thing in multiple ways)
3. Beautiful rainfall today.
4. Two beautiful and healthy daughters.
5. A warm home.
6. Food to eat.
7. Family that loves me.
8. Taking a nice hot shower.
9. A car that runs.
10. The ability to work any negative thoughts that may come my way.

What are you thankful for today? I bet if you took some time, you could find some things to be thankful about too. It feels much better than thinking about all the negative crap happening in our lives...we could find a lot of that too. I am choosing to look on the bright side, love my journey and where it may take me.

To my Amos, thank you for being my unconditional friend. For always meeting me at the door, tail waging, ready to give me kisses. You are the best and I love you. Thank You!

Easter memory makers

I spent this Easter Sunday with the family that I have considered my family for the past 15 years, and spent the past 13-14 Easter's with. So much felt the same, yet so much felt different. The main people my mother and father-in-law remained the same towards me. Some of the other family members were standoffish and barely spoke to me. It was strange and a little sad to think that next Easter my girls would be with this family but I would not be there with them. This was my choice yes, but not an easy one to swallow... I want to be with my girls on Easter too. I know how important Easter is to my mother-in-law and how much the girls love going to Nana's for Easter. So, I asked that they be able to spend every Easter with their dad and Nana and Papa. I will have to remind myself of this next Easter when I am missing them...but it will be worth it knowing that the girls are making memories with Nana and Papa. What a wonderful blessing grandparents are...

Wishing you a Happy Easter and memory making moments too.

My promises for my new beginning

Today, was scary, sad, bright and hopeful all wrapped up in one for me. Today, signifies a new beginning on this journey for me and my girls. Today, I signed divorce papers to end my 12 year marriage. Today-I begin to let go of my past, today-I begin to live my tomorrow, today-I begin to embrace my now. Letting go of the past feels right, yet is sometimes hard to do, I made a promise to myself to do my best. I made a promise to myself to never talk poorly about my girls father. I promise to do my best, I am human and have to admit it may be difficult at times. I made a promise to myself to forgive--all involved--this can only make me a better person. I promise to love and respect my family--which will always include my ex-husband..as we will always co-parent.

My future is bright and hopeful.

Here is to promises, bright futures, and forgiven pasts.

Today, I read on Facebook, that a 12 year old named Amanda died of leukemia. She lost her battle on Friday and her high school sister, held an already scheduled bone marrow drive the very next day. What a wonderful gift Amanda's sister is giving to those still fighting. What a beautiful soul Amanda's sister has. I learned about all of this news from a beautiful soul herself, Jennifer. Her son, Logan, is fighting his own battle with cancer. I follow Logan's process daily and say prayers for his family.

My journey so far has been so different than both of these families afflicted with cancer. I am blessed with two healthy and beautiful daughters. I know that health can be a fleeting phenomena and I am thankful daily for our health. These two families help me realize that my life, my troubles, my journey is blessed. I am lucky to be here on this earth, to have a healthy family, to have eyes that see, ears that hear. My trials and tribulations as big and important as they are to me are small in comparison to watching your child fight their cancer and for Logan to win. For Amanda, to lose her battle to cancer but in the end be with God.

To Logan and Jennifer, Amanda, and Amanda's sister, thank you for walking along with me on this journey. Thank you for showing me that we can have trials and tribulations but they are only as big as we make them. We can reach out to total strangers and become connected, we are one, we are blessed.

Thank you and God bless.

Imagine, Believe, Achieve

~Begining my Journey~

Welcome, to my blog about my journey through life. I have never considered myself to be a writer but this blog is not about writing, it is about feeling and loving my way through my life journey. You may find a misspelled word or two, or incorrect grammar, I apologize for any in advance. I never intend to offend anyone, these are my words, this is my life, this is my journey. Feel free to come along.



Imagine, Believe, Achieve

~Marcy~